2012

The year of 2012 has arrived, suddenly I felt myself is getting old, I couldn't get any excited of welcoming the new year; I don't even feel like going any where to count down or even share a single piece of joyful, but with the replacement of sadness and terrify. I'm almost 30 year old after all... still without direction and ambition.

Looking back, the year of 2011 wasn't a good year for me. I was unemployed for half year and eventually gained a job that I am not happy about, but the most important thing is I lost my mum this year. I was devastated.

However, the only remaining thing is the love of my family and my friends, I'm grateful to have whole bunch of good friends who are selfish-less to share their love and care and giving me all the supports and encouragement during my darkest period.

Anyway, it's time to pick up my emotion and baggage in the pass and start moving on, life still needs to go on. I hope this year will be a better year or a turning point for me.

Frirror

"And since you know you cannot see yourself, so as by reflection, I, your glass. Will modestly discover to yourself, that of yourself which ou yet know not of." -- William Shakespeare

Do you have a friend who knows you everything can point out what your strengths and your flaws are; like a mirror that relects you and let you see yourself clearly and know who you really are.

A friend as a mirror, Frirror...... Frirror, frirror on the wall, which/who I'm still looking for.

Public service

Last week, I accompanied with my mom to go Tebrau Hospital for her appointment. There was a huge crowd. But the workers in the hospital still as usual working slowly and even have time to do chitchat; everyone just waiting patiently because apparently there is nothing you can do. I saw a mid-aged guy was losing his patient and went to the reception and ask that why does it take so long? But the receptionist just replied that they are having shortage and doctor was on leave that day. And since that guy bought the question and triggered others started making noises about the efficiency of the workers. People were all started expressing impatient and shaking their heads. Everyone could feel the tension surrounding at that moment, the hospital's workers and nurse started acting serious and aggressive. I was also pretty mad about those workers' attitudes. We were waiting since morning until afternoon.and seeing doctor and started treatment until 3:30 of the evening.
I was really disappointed about the public services workers' attitudes and efficiencies. Finally, the Doctor said after taking my mom' blood and wait for the report tomorrow, then, we were good to go, the nurse started putting needle to my mom's arm and I reckoned the nurse's hand was shaking. She apologized to me and explained the reason of because she skipped her lunch. In fact, rest of the other nurses and doctors skipped their lunch for providing services to the patients and let them get home earlier. After hearing what she said, my anger was gone and feel guilty about it.

Kopi钱

那天，我和我妈还有5岁的侄儿一起到新山去；突然，遇到了警察执勤，设路障。由于我没有来得及绑上安全带，交警看上了我... (错误示范，应该上车就系上安全带，我在努力改掉这个坏习惯。) 交警指着我的车，指示我叫我停到路旁；在我身旁的老妈开始唠叨了......心里也纳闷起来 “真倒霉。”
突然间，在我身后的侄儿冒出了一句：“又要给警察吃钱了。”
我很惊讶的问：“谁教你的？”
而他却静静的不敢出声了。
天啊，一个5岁的小孩子，尽然会知道贪污。。。这是家长们错误的教育，还是社会问题？

追

台湾著名舞台剧导演，赖声川曾经说过：“在这世界上，没有人教我们怎么活；而我们唯一的管道是媒体，媒体每天给予我们的资讯是‘物质上的追求’；叫我们买，买，买。让我们每天为了满足物质上的追求而拼命赚钱。这渐渐的变成了人们所追求的生活。”
我们究竟为了什么而活？上帝赋予我们生命，让我们活在这世上是为了什么？我们的人生是否只是为了追求物质和名利？到我们剩下最后一口气，离开这人世的时候；回头看看我们的一生，是否会感慨我们的人生过得不够精彩？是否会有许多遗憾而倍感唏嘘？

凡人，烦人。

那一天，我无意间看到报章上的副刊刊登了一篇文章：“人生所拥有的产业越少，烦恼就越少；相反的，拥有的越多，烦恼就越多。”我和几位朋友针对这话题聊了几句，怎么知道却展开了唇枪舌战。我和另外一位朋友都认为，这是没有大志和理想的人说的话。每个人生活在这个世界里，都为了个人产业和物质享受上而奋斗；他们拼命的做，为的是改善生活品质和让家人过得更好。不是吗？

而我另外一位朋友却说:“不是每个人都为了物质而奋斗，有些为了理想和精神而奋斗。”

“屁勒，你为了什么而工作？还不是为了万恶的钱。理想和精神值多少钱？”

“别为了五斗米而折腰，做人要有骨气。”

“骨气？股屁勒。现实社会还有谁跟钱过不去？这个社会，谁有钱，谁是BOSS。”

“对啦，可是当你拥有的越多，烦恼就越多；人一旦有了钱，就会乱来。”

“没有钱的时候才烦恼勒。”

“可是那些有钱人，怕生怕死；要防外人打劫，有时还要防家人骗钱。你讲烦不烦？”

“你嫌钱太多啊？给我啦！”

“你....”（开始可怜他了。-_-"）

“好啦，不管有没有钱啦；人肯定是有烦恼的，只是看你要做个有钱的烦恼人，还是没钱的烦恼人而已。”

“对啦。.....”

“............”

“我们才几岁啊？干什么讨论这么老沉的话题？去！”

“对咯，看！美女。”

虽然我们停止谈论了这个话题，但我回到家还是想了想。生活上的物质是必需的，但不要过量；更重要的是，不要自寻烦恼，很多时候是自己想太多了。

Stand your ground

Back to years ago, I watched an old school movie called "To Kill a Mockingbird". That movie was filmed 5 decades ago, honestly, I didn't quite understand the whole movie because it took place in 1930's (I had studied American history, but I still think it's boring). Therefore, I didn't quite enjoy it back then, until recently I decided to watch it again ..... with the assitance of the subtitle. Then I just reliazed that it's actually a very good movie.

The story of this movie is about the leading actor, Atticus, as a lawyer. How he stood his ground to help an innocent black young man from accusing of raping a white lady; while the whole town forced him dropping the case by racial pressure. I like the storyline and the meaning behind the story. To stand your ground and keep going if you think you are right, no matter how people judge you.

However, how many people can actually do it? One of my respective senior once told me, "Words can be useful depends on how you use it, it also can be vicious or even sometimes can kill someone's life." Indeed, everytime I make any decision, people tend to tell me what to do... I appreciate their concern... however, perhaps it's my personal issue, I'm very easy to be influenced by surrounding and easy to be panic. For instance, sometimes, I go to bookstore, I feel like want to go magazine section or cooking section, but I afriad of the way of other people looking at me and judging me... "How on earth a big guy enjoys a magazine?" "He must be a 'gal' ". So I just cold-feeted.

I had talked about this to my friends, they all said that I'm over thinking and paranoid, I know... but I just can't stop those voices appear in my mind and some strange eyes keep staring behind me. I know those are frictional and unreal and I should totally overcome those mentally distractions by myself.

Last week I watched the latest season of American idol ( I used to like this show, but I started losing the interested while I grow older. Simon and Paula are no longer the judges in this show, replaced by Steve Tylor and JLo. I know Kara and Ellen D were judges in this show before...but long story...). One of the contestant, Casey Abrams refuses to listen the mentors Jimmy and Will.i.am both claim that song he picked was too boring; but he stood his ground and insisted on his song choice and eventually won the crowd. (Although he was eliminated, still got saved by judges dramatically; well... entertainment, that's what I'm talking about.) Another contestant, James Durbin did heavy metal. He said something caught my attention. "I don't want to be one of the face of the million, I want to stand out to be different." and he rock that night.

Genting Highland founder, Tan Sri Lim Goh Tong ignored what other people said and insisted of building Genting Highland theme park on the mountain, and his success is obvious. APPLE's CEO, Steve Jobs centralizes the authority, and never listen to anyone to subordinate his decision making; he trust his instinct and own judgement, and leads to the successful of APPLE.

In fact, disgarding the success or failure, every single decision is the part of the journey of your life; no matter it's a successful decision or failure decision, it is the best decisions for your life, because they create your own life.

So, decide our own life and live with it.

计划赶不上变化

自从我回来马来西亚，我发觉国人的生活步调似乎比外国的慢；后来我想想，也许是因为我的家乡比较乡下，跟吉隆坡这种大城市根本没得比较。没错，大城市的生活步调是比较快，但是我真正融入日常生活里，不管是在工作上，还是私低下；国人都有个坏习惯，大部分国人都会抱着得过且过的心态去处理事情。因此，在国内许多领域上，尤其是政府部门，常被冠上“没有效率”，“懒散”的印象。

很多时候，只需用一天的时间就可以完成的事情，总被拖到两天或三天，甚至一个星期去完成。有时候的理由也非常离谱兼可笑，当你一切准备就绪，以为可以顺顺利利的完成事情；偏偏遇到机器故障，电脑系统短路，负责人请假，让你白跑一趟，下次还要来。这样三天两头的来回，真是浪费国人的时间和金钱。

而私底下的国人朋友，有些也会抱着随便的心态来面对所有事情；有一次我陪我一班朋友出外游玩，很多事情都没有处理和安排好，第二天就出发了。。。结果酒店住宿到了那里才找，费了九牛二虎之力才找到。

“明天要去哪里？” “晚上要吃什么？”

“还不知道，再看咯！”

天啊！行程根本没有安排好。

结果到了最后一天，“不是说好明天回吗？”

“不了，我们住多一天，明天可以去。。。”

整个行程我被他们的洒脱，天塌下来当被盖的心态给吓坏了；我的心好想是在坐云霄飞车，一会儿担心找不到酒店；一会儿担心没有房，一会儿担心走错路。。。根本没有计划好。不然就是原本计划好的事情，临时变卦；搞得阵脚大乱。

很多人都在想“船到桥头自然直”，凡是顺其自然；也许日子过得轻松自在，但是这种心态，怎么可以跟外国人竞争呢？无可否认，我们每天过得日子，无时无刻都有变数；但这是否意味着我们不需要计划呢？一个好的计划可以避免我们少走许多错路，一个正确的心态可以减少不必要的变数发生。如果一个好的计划配上糟糕的心态，可能永远成不了事，因为根本没有心经营；而一个好的心态配上没有计划，也成不了事，因为每天都在忙着补救。因此，只要计划好，用心经营；事情总会顺利完成，两者缺一不可。

50 Samurai

I read the news about the radiation crisis in Japan from today newspaper, the reactor of the power plant are not fully under-controlled and situation is clearly unstabile; people are alerted and were evacuated or escaping from danger zone rapidly, the reported saids the level of the radiation is over 6000 times than the normal level inside the Fukushima power plant, although the saving teams attempt to prevent the nuclear fuel rod melts down by inserting water to cool down the temperature; yet, they have no confident to ensure the leaking of lethal radiation.
therefore, there are a possibility of the spreading radiated object and resulting to the eastern Japan becoming a death area, including the most exciting city in Japan, Tokyo.

However, the news that caught my eye is the reporting of the Heroic workers, there are 50 volunteer "Modern Samurai" willing to sacrifice their own valuable life for saving more by rescuing the crisis inside the power plant; most of them are over the age of 50 retired men. The great moral and noble spirit are being praised and saluted by the entire world; this is a scene which only happen in the movie, it moves to every single person's heart including mine. Think about these people's family, how would their family feel when these 50 volunteers went inside the nuclear plant; and how strong their determination is for saving other people's life who has no direct relationship with them. When I read the aticle from the newspaper, I almost shed a tear by this incredible story; I'm deeply respect them and pray for them.

Lesson from Japan

In year 2011, March 11th, Japan had experienced the most damaging disaster of human history in Japan; the massive earthquare with magnitude of 9.0 struck in Ocean Pacific and triggered a terrifying tsunami unleashed and hit on the island shore of eastcoast Japan, which brings an enormous crush to the whole nationwide. The whole city was submarged by the crucial water, reported over thousand of lifes were killed and the number keeps increasing, the cars, houses and all the human's efforts were all damaged by the brutal natural force instantly.

In additional, the aftershocks of the earthquake are endlessly smacking the island by stopping human rebuild their homeland; even worse that yesrterday was reported Fukishima nuclear power plant explored and radioactive material leaking, a number of residents were evacuated from the power plant 20km away. The government attempts to avoid the radioactivity spreads and releases more coolant to prevent the source melts down.

A lot of people said that although this natural disaster causes a massive impact of the Japan's economic and homeland, but Japanese is an expert of dealing earthquake, the unbeatable Japanese will rebuild their homeland and back on track rapidly. Indeed, I saw a lot of pictures that were posted online, I realized the people in Japan are well-disciplined, no fighting and quarrelling, even helping and caring each others; seem likes they all know what kind of action should take to deal with this circumstance. I am truly admired of them.

Although this natural disaster is happend in Japan, we are not directly involved; but the media spread out the news and people talking about this subject everywhere. it seems like everyone care about it, but what can we do? donating fund? maybe... most important is, what do we learn from this inccident? Think about it.

百德孝为先

今天在某处看到一句留言，人生有三样事情不能等待：一, 孝敬父母， 二，尽量让家里摆脱贫困， 三， 实现自己心中的梦想。

但对我来说，第二和第三不是说想做就能马上去做的，有时候还要等待适当的时机和贵人的协助，方可成事。只有第一，孝敬父母是能马上去做又不能等待的事。

尤其我看到父母在最近身体状况双双亮起红灯，我才警系到父母真的都老了。但有时候只能感慨自己的能力有限，心有余而力不足，无法减轻他们的负担，使我看在眼里，疼在心里。

我家是一个非常传统的华人家族体系，打从我公公的公公开始，就有家谱，我也曾看过那本厚厚的家谱，但里面的名字，没有一个认识的，除了我这一辈的...（哇靠，我知道。。)。而我家从以前就受此宣陶，男尊女卑，男主外，女主内；在父亲的严厉管教下，我们在家都表现的非常严肃。应此我们都不敢表现自我；很多时候，我们在外是一个性格，回到家即刻转性。这也许造成我们不想回家的原因。但近几年，父亲的性格随着年纪和健康问题，开始软化许多；可是他还是很难摆脱多年的严父形象，没办法拉下面子和臭脾气。不管怎样，我相信，我们兄弟姐妹们都很想为父母和家人做点事；只是不敢表露出来。

不管怎样，至少此刻我在他们身边，时时刻刻从旁协助；这是我能做到的。要行孝，要趁早。。。难听的说一句，不要等到树欲静而风不止，子欲养而亲不在才来后悔。

结婚？

最近我参加了一些朋友的婚礼，也遇见不少朋友要筹备年底的婚礼；甚至有的朋友嚷着很想结婚。。。当然我们都到了适婚年龄，身边的朋友逐个纷纷结婚去了，不免为自己的孤单而感慨。再加上亲朋戚友的催促下，结婚压力确实很大。

在出席朋友婚礼的时候，不免常听到朋友们或uncle, auntie们问：“什么时候轮到你啊？”面对这尴尬的问题，我常用傻笑来应付；或者利用身边其他单身的朋友来当挡箭牌。。。

结婚，组织家庭，生儿育女是每一个人的天职，这是一个社会的定律，从小我们就被灌输这种观念，然而随着人们不断成长，接受的教育背景差异和个人观点与思想不同；许多人认为结婚是不必要的。没错，看看今天的西方社会，早婚的人是不少，但迟婚的人更多；离了婚又结婚的还要多。但必须强调的是迟婚者大多数是受过高等教育的成功人士和专业人士。有些人更跑去红娘中心和网站去寻找伴侣，也许是因为他们都受过高等教育，择偶条件也相对提高；因此也难找到另一半。但在他们当中，不少人认为结婚并非必经之路，而且多余的。

在西方世界，政府为了鼓励人们结婚，给予很多福利和津贴，也有不少法律保护配偶的权益。然而，破碎婚姻依然陈出不穷，最后还是离婚收场。。。我们常看欧美电影常出现的情节，在结婚宣誓的时候常有的一段：“是否愿意一生一世爱她，保护她。。。不管富有贫苦，对她不离不弃。。。一生只爱她一人。”在你说“我愿意”之前请想清楚，你能不能做到？

再回到东方社会，结婚不只是两个人的事，而是两家人的事；这句话用在东方社会更贴切，很多时候我们必须考虑到家人和对方家人的想法，往往我们年轻的必须退步来达成共识。曾经听过一对夫妇对我吐苦水，对方结婚前后性格大转变，还有孩子的奶粉钱，尿片钱，教育费，供车，供楼和生活开销。。。每逢过年还要包红包，长辈也要给一份。搞到过个年，脸也青了。有时候，媳妇和家公家婆相处不融洽，也会被搞到吐血吧。

所以，单身也有单身的好，孑然一身；没有婚姻，家庭和承诺的束缚，做任何事都可以很潇洒。可能有时候会觉得孤独寂寞，尤其是看到别人成双成对，心里会很羡慕和自卑。但这种感觉过了，就没了。

你想结婚了吗？

Liar

Recently I'm reading a book about self-thinking, to share interesting story in the book, the author had once met a well-known profession, but turn out to be a big fat liar. In this society, people are shrewd and cunning, you can't even tell who is telling a truth and who is lying.

A person once told me: "Do not lie, if you do; you may not be caught at the first time, but eventually you will be caught because you may not be able to remember which lie you made. No matter under any circumstances, try not to lie, you may need to create more lie to cover the previous one."

That's reminds me once I lied during the time I was in US and working as a waiter in a restuarant. A regular customer brought some of her friends to our restuarant during peak hours, about 6 of them and I was lucky to be their waiter, because she always is a generous tips giver. At the beginning, we had a great started, nice greeting and chatting, I even making jokes with them, everything seems fine. After the order was placed, and the wines are served, there are more customers came in to the restuarant, and rapidly; I had two more tables to serve, I have to start serving the main course to the first table disgarding they only started enjoying their appetizer and wine.

While the kitchen preparing the food, I spent the time to take other table's orders, I was managing quite well of the timing, but when I started serving the dishes, the disaster is coming; I had one undone dish to be served, which means I can only serve 5 dishes, and there is one person need to wait patiently for his dish; it seems normal, but the dish is the trickiest dish, Salted-Pepper Shrimp with shelf. The kitchen suddenly became busy and overwhelmed, the shrimps was just placed under other dishes without preparing. I told the kitchen to make my dish but they just ignored me, and I kept apologizing to the customer and promised him will be done soon.

I was like a bug standing on the hot pan, I was so scared as the kitchen was too busy to prepare my dish, the customer kept staring at me as the other people almost finished their food, I had to make another lie to tell him they were deep-frying the shrimp, should be ready in 5 more minutes, and the regular customer was smiling arkwardly through her friend as he is almost losing his patient.

I went through the kitchen again and pushed them to make my dish again, but the situation in the kitchen is even worse, it hard to be explained, picture this "you will be scolded dreadfuly anytime if you make any noise". At that time I knew I was doomed, and I won't dare to get near to that table again... at last, the major disaster is happening, the regular customer came over personally to find me and yelled at me in front of other customers and claimed that she had lost her face in front of her friends... and then things turned ugly as she found out that I was lying... anyway, this incident was eventually settled by my lady boss, but it was a nightmare for me.

After that incident, she is still coming to my restuarant occasionally, but we never had conversation again, just smiling to each other arkwardly while we met. I was very regret to tell lie to them, actually there are a lot of options for me to deal with this circumstance, I can tell them the truth and suggested them to switch dish or offer them drinks, but definitely no lie.

But now what bother me is before I quited the job in that restuarant, I had met her in the restuarant, I was planning to go to her table and apologize to her personally, but eventually, I was still not brave enough to do so, it left me a shame of my life even until now I still thinking about it sometimes.

Therefore, attempt to not tell a lie to anyone no matter under any situation, you will only lose the credit of your image to other people.

What do I want?

我要什么？？？？

不知道自己要什么是件非常痛苦的事。好比你到了小贩中心，看到琳琅满目的摊位而不知从何选择。。。担心做出错误的选择而后悔。

朋友常问的一句：“你要吃什么？”

“随便” “看咯”。。。真讨厌。

而选择工作上，似乎就不能够那么"随便”。面对型型色色的工作选择， 该怎么选呢？

当你进入一个工作领域，你将会被定型。将来无论你在哪一间公司，你都会朝着这个领域或方向去发展。。。

你考虑好了吗？？

count each day

Since I started writing blog.... I should say since I quited my job, those blogs I wrote are very gloomy, blue... my friends who read my blogs are worrying about me and attempted to counselling me and cheering me up.

Indeed, I aware that my blogs are very depressing, I guess that because after I quitted my job, I have too much free time that makes me keep thinking, thinking about what I want, thinking about what I'm pursuiting, thinking about the meaning and the goal of my life... I had been thinking a lot lately, I realized how fragile and weak I am, the helpless and loneliness like a vicious flood submerging my heart gradually, secretly eating my soul until empty without any struggling.

Luckily, I have a whole bunch of good friends who are selfishless grabbing my hand and embracing me tightly to prevent me fell into the deep hazardous ravine.

Now, I write this blog to memorize and reminds me this moment and the moaning period that I had been through in the rest of my life. Do not give up.

Sailing

Sailing a ship by myself in the middle of the night, the darkness is swallowing the whole visual sight as the moonlight was hidden to nowhere; can't even find a star from the sky. The whistle wind bringing the rhythmic waves and pushing my boat moving forward.
Suddenly, the appearence of fog like bringing an army troop wrapping the surface of the sea rapidly; apparently, my boat was also covered by the furious fog immediately. The wind has gone to nowhere, and the waves is stop beating, everything becomes quiet and peaceful.
My ship stops sailing gradually as the wind is stopping, I cannot differential each direction as I am surrounded by the misty fog; here I am, getting lost at the middle of the sea with a blurry and scary sight.
My heart starts pounding faster, and my palm starts sweating, I'm scare and terrified, but there is nothing I can do, but just staying in my ship and waiting for the arrival of the dawn. As I believe I will sail out this brutal circumstance through a brighty sunny day with a breezy wind.

年年难过，年年过

整个新年期间，都是被炮竹声和舞狮的锣鼓声嘈醒的。相比在两年前，对着皑皑白雪和墨守成规死板的工作流程，今年的新年年味是重了。然而，朋友们却说今年的新年没有以往的热闹，的确。新年前的通货膨涨压力，南马的洪水泛滥；今年很多人都是缩紧腰带，咬着牙关的过年。强颜欢笑背后的心酸，只有自己知道。

在这个社会当中，面子固然重要，但是相较与内心的压力和踏实；很多人依然选择前者，人们情愿打肿脸皮充胖子，带着光鲜亮丽的面罩做人；内心的痛苦与挣扎掩饰得毫无破绽。做个被虚荣心俘辱的奴隶。

而我，亦是如此；过年期间遇到不少别来无恙的老朋友，想打开话匣子好好聊一聊；但由于面子问题和新年的欢闹气氛，我都不敢对他们说我最近过得不好，而尽量扯开话题聊别的。但我相信他们可以从我虚伪的爽朗笑声和躲在角落的沉默不语中找到答案。。。因为我知道我不是一个伪装高手。

在此，我祝愿大家：新年快乐，万事如意，兔气扬眉，兔显魅力，兔飞猛进，扬眉兔气，Happy Chinese New Year 兔 you。

今天我不想用英文写文章

一月二十四日：
今天我不想用英文写文章，但我知道我用中文写的话， 会很慢。可是内心忧郁和便扭；用英文是没办法表现的。再加上现在我有的是时间。即使花上两，三天的时间，我也无所谓。我今天呆在家里一整天了，竟然找不到事情来做。好无聊，好空虚，好寂寞。。。我知道朋友们都忙着工作，我没有办法联络他们，即使联络上了也没办法侃侃而谈。突然觉得自己很没有用，一个大男人竟然窝在家里什么事都不干，在怎么说我也是从国外留学会来的，家人对我的期望很大，其实应该说身边的人都希望我有所成就，因此我承受的压力很大。当然，我也希望能有出人头地的一天，但现实社会总是和幻想世界差了一大截，我只能束手无撤；即使我拼命地想往上爬。。。但恐怕只是无谓的挣扎。

一月二十五日：
今天，我接到一位朋友的电话。他也是从美国会来的，他回来至今已经快半年了；但现阶段还是一事无成，也在找工作。。和我的情况一样。他让我有种同病相怜的感觉，并且让我感觉不太自卑。这通电话我们讲了一个小时左右，我们不单只聊各自的境况，也分享了内心的无奈和挣扎；毕竟我们都过得不太顺利。。不只如此，我们还聊了个人观点和未来方向，但由于现实的无奈，纯粹只是纸上谈兵。当我们盖了电话，我的内心感到踏实很多，舒坦很多。也许在现阶段，跟我面对同样问题的朋友才能够排除我内心的苦闷，让我觉得我并不孤单。

一月二十七日：
昨天，我的一位中学朋友从新加坡来到新山，我们很久没见面了，结果一聊开话夹子，就用上两，三个小时。我们在中学时很要好的朋友，他一向来给我的影像是很优秀，品学兼优的家伙；毕业后拿到奖学金到新加坡深造，又进入了一间不错的公司，工资和待遇都不错。但他最近做了一个让人惊讶的决定。。。他辞去现在的工作，转向保险业。他也跟我分析了他的决定，他觉得每天工作让他都没有时间陪家人，而且每个月只拿固定薪水，不管这个月努不努力，都是这笔钱。。。工作付出的努力不会和薪水成正比。我虽然了解他的想法，但还是替他觉得可惜；毕竟要从零开始。而他也劝我，我现在还在选择的阶段；我要认清楚方向，以免到时后后悔回头，已经浪费了青春。。。我已经没有多少年可以浪费了。。。懊恼！！！

Listen

Wake up in the morning, but my eye still cannot open properly, searching my cellphone underneath my pillow and checking what is the time. it's 9:10am. Although I'm unemployed right now, but I still insist to wake up in the morning time, because I really enjoy morning hours, it makes me feel enerygized and refreshing.



Then, calling my friend for a breakfast, getting everything all set and meet him at the kopitiam where we should meet 3 to 4 time each week. For me, I was considered lucky that I still have a close friend in my hometown, because a small town like this, most of the people like my age all moved to big city like Singapore or JB for working. Thus, I really appreciate him that spending his free time with me, as I have so much free time to kill... But he is busy, he is running his own business of managing and transporting vegetable from Johor to Singapore, in this town, a lot of people are doing this kind of business as there are a lot of farmers here and most of their goods are selling out to Singapore, that makes them earn the big bucks. There are a quite a few number of people who become wealthy because of this business. However, this business is considered old blue collar business, most of the young generation refuse to take care of it or inherit the business from their parent, thus, most of them who handling this business are older generation. But my friend who is willing to manage this business and to be honest, he is doing quite ok.



Anyway, as he is doing his business, he is very busy, sometimes I will go to help him for 'buddy' sake. Even he is having breakfast or dinner with me, his topic cannot leave without vegetable. Honestly, I'm sick of it. My Godness!!



After having breakfast, I came back home, my parent are sitting at the living room watching TV and reading newspaper, I sat on the sofa, picked up a newspaper and begin to read...here they go.... ask me about my job hunt... and keep nagging to me, I should do this should that...it's not easy to staying in Singapore, you cannot spend too much money...blah blah blah...

perhaps you guys forget, I stayed in US for 4 years, and nobody took care of me by that time but myself. I know how to take care of me!! stay out of my business! my heart is struggling for it, but I won't say it out loud....because I still respect them as my parent...

I'm in pain....and I'm under a lot of pressure, which even makes me couldn't breath at all sometimes...but the worst thing is no one is there for me to listen what I want to say... i need a listener to share the significate pain and stress which hided underneath of my heart... everyday i have been eaten up by those pain and stress little by little...and I think I'm losing the feeling and sensation gradually become numb...

I'm pathetic loser...

Superstition

Today, as usual...log in to certain website to check my horoscope... Yes, I know... come on... sound like only chick will do it... how come a guy like me will do the same thing. Well, I don't know... perhaps I had a pretty rough year and I'm attempting to find some solution or seeking some advises to improve my luck somehow....hopefully.

Sometimes, I even surfing some website which relevant to Fengshui and match decoration and setting in my house...maybe there are some taboos that we are breaking.

I have never been so superstition and sentitive as this time, I was seldom going to church or temple for praying since I was young.... and I don't really believe those kind of "force" really exist. But now, whenever I pass by a temple or a church, I will cover my palm each other and pretend to pray...although I don't really go inside to pray sincerely, but at least this action to show my respect. and hopefully God can really protect my family...