2012

The year of 2012 has arrived, suddenly I felt myself is getting old, I couldn't get any excited of welcoming the new year; I don't even feel like going any where to count down or even share a single piece of joyful, but with the replacement of sadness and terrify. I'm almost 30 year old after all... still without direction and ambition.

Looking back, the year of 2011 wasn't a good year for me. I was unemployed for half year and eventually gained a job that I am not happy about, but the most important thing is I lost my mum this year. I was devastated.

However, the only remaining thing is the love of my family and my friends, I'm grateful to have whole bunch of good friends who are selfish-less to share their love and care and giving me all the supports and encouragement during my darkest period.

Anyway, it's time to pick up my emotion and baggage in the pass and start moving on, life still needs to go on. I hope this year will be a better year or a turning point for me.

Frirror

"And since you know you cannot see yourself, so as by reflection, I, your glass. Will modestly discover to yourself, that of yourself which ou yet know not of." -- William Shakespeare

Do you have a friend who knows you everything can point out what your strengths and your flaws are; like a mirror that relects you and let you see yourself clearly and know who you really are.

A friend as a mirror, Frirror...... Frirror, frirror on the wall, which/who I'm still looking for.

Public service

Last week, I accompanied with my mom to go Tebrau Hospital for her appointment. There was a huge crowd. But the workers in the hospital still as usual working slowly and even have time to do chitchat; everyone just waiting patiently because apparently there is nothing you can do. I saw a mid-aged guy was losing his patient and went to the reception and ask that why does it take so long? But the receptionist just replied that they are having shortage and doctor was on leave that day. And since that guy bought the question and triggered others started making noises about the efficiency of the workers. People were all started expressing impatient and shaking their heads. Everyone could feel the tension surrounding at that moment, the hospital's workers and nurse started acting serious and aggressive. I was also pretty mad about those workers' attitudes. We were waiting since morning until afternoon.and seeing doctor and started treatment until 3:30 of the evening.
I was really disappointed about the public services workers' attitudes and efficiencies. Finally, the Doctor said after taking my mom' blood and wait for the report tomorrow, then, we were good to go, the nurse started putting needle to my mom's arm and I reckoned the nurse's hand was shaking. She apologized to me and explained the reason of because she skipped her lunch. In fact, rest of the other nurses and doctors skipped their lunch for providing services to the patients and let them get home earlier. After hearing what she said, my anger was gone and feel guilty about it.

Kopi钱

那天，我和我妈还有5岁的侄儿一起到新山去；突然，遇到了警察执勤，设路障。由于我没有来得及绑上安全带，交警看上了我... (错误示范，应该上车就系上安全带，我在努力改掉这个坏习惯。) 交警指着我的车，指示我叫我停到路旁；在我身旁的老妈开始唠叨了......心里也纳闷起来 “真倒霉。”
突然间，在我身后的侄儿冒出了一句：“又要给警察吃钱了。”
我很惊讶的问：“谁教你的？”
而他却静静的不敢出声了。
天啊，一个5岁的小孩子，尽然会知道贪污。。。这是家长们错误的教育，还是社会问题？

追

台湾著名舞台剧导演，赖声川曾经说过：“在这世界上，没有人教我们怎么活；而我们唯一的管道是媒体，媒体每天给予我们的资讯是‘物质上的追求’；叫我们买，买，买。让我们每天为了满足物质上的追求而拼命赚钱。这渐渐的变成了人们所追求的生活。”
我们究竟为了什么而活？上帝赋予我们生命，让我们活在这世上是为了什么？我们的人生是否只是为了追求物质和名利？到我们剩下最后一口气，离开这人世的时候；回头看看我们的一生，是否会感慨我们的人生过得不够精彩？是否会有许多遗憾而倍感唏嘘？

凡人，烦人。

那一天，我无意间看到报章上的副刊刊登了一篇文章：“人生所拥有的产业越少，烦恼就越少；相反的，拥有的越多，烦恼就越多。”我和几位朋友针对这话题聊了几句，怎么知道却展开了唇枪舌战。我和另外一位朋友都认为，这是没有大志和理想的人说的话。每个人生活在这个世界里，都为了个人产业和物质享受上而奋斗；他们拼命的做，为的是改善生活品质和让家人过得更好。不是吗？

而我另外一位朋友却说:“不是每个人都为了物质而奋斗，有些为了理想和精神而奋斗。”

“屁勒，你为了什么而工作？还不是为了万恶的钱。理想和精神值多少钱？”

“别为了五斗米而折腰，做人要有骨气。”

“骨气？股屁勒。现实社会还有谁跟钱过不去？这个社会，谁有钱，谁是BOSS。”

“对啦，可是当你拥有的越多，烦恼就越多；人一旦有了钱，就会乱来。”

“没有钱的时候才烦恼勒。”

“可是那些有钱人，怕生怕死；要防外人打劫，有时还要防家人骗钱。你讲烦不烦？”

“你嫌钱太多啊？给我啦！”

“你....”（开始可怜他了。-_-"）

“好啦，不管有没有钱啦；人肯定是有烦恼的，只是看你要做个有钱的烦恼人，还是没钱的烦恼人而已。”

“对啦。.....”

“............”

“我们才几岁啊？干什么讨论这么老沉的话题？去！”

“对咯，看！美女。”

虽然我们停止谈论了这个话题，但我回到家还是想了想。生活上的物质是必需的，但不要过量；更重要的是，不要自寻烦恼，很多时候是自己想太多了。

Stand your ground

Back to years ago, I watched an old school movie called "To Kill a Mockingbird". That movie was filmed 5 decades ago, honestly, I didn't quite understand the whole movie because it took place in 1930's (I had studied American history, but I still think it's boring). Therefore, I didn't quite enjoy it back then, until recently I decided to watch it again ..... with the assitance of the subtitle. Then I just reliazed that it's actually a very good movie.

The story of this movie is about the leading actor, Atticus, as a lawyer. How he stood his ground to help an innocent black young man from accusing of raping a white lady; while the whole town forced him dropping the case by racial pressure. I like the storyline and the meaning behind the story. To stand your ground and keep going if you think you are right, no matter how people judge you.

However, how many people can actually do it? One of my respective senior once told me, "Words can be useful depends on how you use it, it also can be vicious or even sometimes can kill someone's life." Indeed, everytime I make any decision, people tend to tell me what to do... I appreciate their concern... however, perhaps it's my personal issue, I'm very easy to be influenced by surrounding and easy to be panic. For instance, sometimes, I go to bookstore, I feel like want to go magazine section or cooking section, but I afriad of the way of other people looking at me and judging me... "How on earth a big guy enjoys a magazine?" "He must be a 'gal' ". So I just cold-feeted.

I had talked about this to my friends, they all said that I'm over thinking and paranoid, I know... but I just can't stop those voices appear in my mind and some strange eyes keep staring behind me. I know those are frictional and unreal and I should totally overcome those mentally distractions by myself.

Last week I watched the latest season of American idol ( I used to like this show, but I started losing the interested while I grow older. Simon and Paula are no longer the judges in this show, replaced by Steve Tylor and JLo. I know Kara and Ellen D were judges in this show before...but long story...). One of the contestant, Casey Abrams refuses to listen the mentors Jimmy and Will.i.am both claim that song he picked was too boring; but he stood his ground and insisted on his song choice and eventually won the crowd. (Although he was eliminated, still got saved by judges dramatically; well... entertainment, that's what I'm talking about.) Another contestant, James Durbin did heavy metal. He said something caught my attention. "I don't want to be one of the face of the million, I want to stand out to be different." and he rock that night.

Genting Highland founder, Tan Sri Lim Goh Tong ignored what other people said and insisted of building Genting Highland theme park on the mountain, and his success is obvious. APPLE's CEO, Steve Jobs centralizes the authority, and never listen to anyone to subordinate his decision making; he trust his instinct and own judgement, and leads to the successful of APPLE.

In fact, disgarding the success or failure, every single decision is the part of the journey of your life; no matter it's a successful decision or failure decision, it is the best decisions for your life, because they create your own life.

So, decide our own life and live with it.