一月二十四日：
今天我不想用英文写文章，但我知道我用中文写的话， 会很慢。可是内心忧郁和便扭；用英文是没办法表现的。再加上现在我有的是时间。即使花上两，三天的时间，我也无所谓。我今天呆在家里一整天了，竟然找不到事情来做。好无聊，好空虚，好寂寞。。。我知道朋友们都忙着工作，我没有办法联络他们，即使联络上了也没办法侃侃而谈。突然觉得自己很没有用，一个大男人竟然窝在家里什么事都不干，在怎么说我也是从国外留学会来的，家人对我的期望很大，其实应该说身边的人都希望我有所成就，因此我承受的压力很大。当然，我也希望能有出人头地的一天，但现实社会总是和幻想世界差了一大截，我只能束手无撤；即使我拼命地想往上爬。。。但恐怕只是无谓的挣扎。
一月二十五日：
今天，我接到一位朋友的电话。他也是从美国会来的，他回来至今已经快半年了；但现阶段还是一事无成，也在找工作。。和我的情况一样。他让我有种同病相怜的感觉，并且让我感觉不太自卑。这通电话我们讲了一个小时左右，我们不单只聊各自的境况，也分享了内心的无奈和挣扎；毕竟我们都过得不太顺利。。不只如此，我们还聊了个人观点和未来方向，但由于现实的无奈，纯粹只是纸上谈兵。当我们盖了电话，我的内心感到踏实很多，舒坦很多。也许在现阶段，跟我面对同样问题的朋友才能够排除我内心的苦闷，让我觉得我并不孤单。
一月二十七日：
昨天，我的一位中学朋友从新加坡来到新山，我们很久没见面了，结果一聊开话夹子，就用上两，三个小时。我们在中学时很要好的朋友，他一向来给我的影像是很优秀，品学兼优的家伙；毕业后拿到奖学金到新加坡深造，又进入了一间不错的公司，工资和待遇都不错。但他最近做了一个让人惊讶的决定。。。他辞去现在的工作，转向保险业。他也跟我分析了他的决定，他觉得每天工作让他都没有时间陪家人，而且每个月只拿固定薪水，不管这个月努不努力，都是这笔钱。。。工作付出的努力不会和薪水成正比。我虽然了解他的想法，但还是替他觉得可惜；毕竟要从零开始。而他也劝我，我现在还在选择的阶段；我要认清楚方向，以免到时后后悔回头，已经浪费了青春。。。我已经没有多少年可以浪费了。。。懊恼！！！
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Listen
Wake up in the morning, but my eye still cannot open properly, searching my cellphone underneath my pillow and checking what is the time. it's 9:10am. Although I'm unemployed right now, but I still insist to wake up in the morning time, because I really enjoy morning hours, it makes me feel enerygized and refreshing.
Then, calling my friend for a breakfast, getting everything all set and meet him at the kopitiam where we should meet 3 to 4 time each week. For me, I was considered lucky that I still have a close friend in my hometown, because a small town like this, most of the people like my age all moved to big city like Singapore or JB for working. Thus, I really appreciate him that spending his free time with me, as I have so much free time to kill... But he is busy, he is running his own business of managing and transporting vegetable from Johor to Singapore, in this town, a lot of people are doing this kind of business as there are a lot of farmers here and most of their goods are selling out to Singapore, that makes them earn the big bucks. There are a quite a few number of people who become wealthy because of this business. However, this business is considered old blue collar business, most of the young generation refuse to take care of it or inherit the business from their parent, thus, most of them who handling this business are older generation. But my friend who is willing to manage this business and to be honest, he is doing quite ok.
Anyway, as he is doing his business, he is very busy, sometimes I will go to help him for 'buddy' sake. Even he is having breakfast or dinner with me, his topic cannot leave without vegetable. Honestly, I'm sick of it. My Godness!!
After having breakfast, I came back home, my parent are sitting at the living room watching TV and reading newspaper, I sat on the sofa, picked up a newspaper and begin to read...here they go.... ask me about my job hunt... and keep nagging to me, I should do this should that...it's not easy to staying in Singapore, you cannot spend too much money...blah blah blah...
perhaps you guys forget, I stayed in US for 4 years, and nobody took care of me by that time but myself. I know how to take care of me!! stay out of my business! my heart is struggling for it, but I won't say it out loud....because I still respect them as my parent...
I'm in pain....and I'm under a lot of pressure, which even makes me couldn't breath at all sometimes...but the worst thing is no one is there for me to listen what I want to say... i need a listener to share the significate pain and stress which hided underneath of my heart... everyday i have been eaten up by those pain and stress little by little...and I think I'm losing the feeling and sensation gradually become numb...
I'm pathetic loser...
Then, calling my friend for a breakfast, getting everything all set and meet him at the kopitiam where we should meet 3 to 4 time each week. For me, I was considered lucky that I still have a close friend in my hometown, because a small town like this, most of the people like my age all moved to big city like Singapore or JB for working. Thus, I really appreciate him that spending his free time with me, as I have so much free time to kill... But he is busy, he is running his own business of managing and transporting vegetable from Johor to Singapore, in this town, a lot of people are doing this kind of business as there are a lot of farmers here and most of their goods are selling out to Singapore, that makes them earn the big bucks. There are a quite a few number of people who become wealthy because of this business. However, this business is considered old blue collar business, most of the young generation refuse to take care of it or inherit the business from their parent, thus, most of them who handling this business are older generation. But my friend who is willing to manage this business and to be honest, he is doing quite ok.
Anyway, as he is doing his business, he is very busy, sometimes I will go to help him for 'buddy' sake. Even he is having breakfast or dinner with me, his topic cannot leave without vegetable. Honestly, I'm sick of it. My Godness!!
After having breakfast, I came back home, my parent are sitting at the living room watching TV and reading newspaper, I sat on the sofa, picked up a newspaper and begin to read...here they go.... ask me about my job hunt... and keep nagging to me, I should do this should that...it's not easy to staying in Singapore, you cannot spend too much money...blah blah blah...
perhaps you guys forget, I stayed in US for 4 years, and nobody took care of me by that time but myself. I know how to take care of me!! stay out of my business! my heart is struggling for it, but I won't say it out loud....because I still respect them as my parent...
I'm in pain....and I'm under a lot of pressure, which even makes me couldn't breath at all sometimes...but the worst thing is no one is there for me to listen what I want to say... i need a listener to share the significate pain and stress which hided underneath of my heart... everyday i have been eaten up by those pain and stress little by little...and I think I'm losing the feeling and sensation gradually become numb...
I'm pathetic loser...
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Superstition
Today, as usual...log in to certain website to check my horoscope... Yes, I know... come on... sound like only chick will do it... how come a guy like me will do the same thing. Well, I don't know... perhaps I had a pretty rough year and I'm attempting to find some solution or seeking some advises to improve my luck somehow....hopefully.
Sometimes, I even surfing some website which relevant to Fengshui and match decoration and setting in my house...maybe there are some taboos that we are breaking.
I have never been so superstition and sentitive as this time, I was seldom going to church or temple for praying since I was young.... and I don't really believe those kind of "force" really exist. But now, whenever I pass by a temple or a church, I will cover my palm each other and pretend to pray...although I don't really go inside to pray sincerely, but at least this action to show my respect. and hopefully God can really protect my family...
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Tuesday, January 25, 2011
今天我不想用英文写文章
一月二十四日：
今天我不想用英文写文章，但我知道我用中文写的话， 会很慢。可是内心忧郁和便扭；用英文是没办法表现的。再加上现在我有的是时间。即使花上两，三天的时间，我也无所谓。我今天呆在家里一整天了，竟然找不到事情来做。好无聊，好空虚，好寂寞。。。我知道朋友们都忙着工作，我没有办法联络他们，即使联络上了也没办法侃侃而谈。突然觉得自己很没有用，一个大男人竟然窝在家里什么事都不干，在怎么说我也是从国外留学会来的，家人对我的期望很大，其实应该说身边的人都希望我有所成就，因此我承受的压力很大。当然，我也希望能有出人头地的一天，但现实社会总是和幻想世界差了一大截，我只能束手无撤；即使我拼命地想往上爬。。。但恐怕只是无谓的挣扎。
一月二十五日：
今天，我接到一位朋友的电话。他也是从美国会来的，他回来至今已经快半年了；但现阶段还是一事无成，也在找工作。。和我的情况一样。他让我有种同病相怜的感觉，并且让我感觉不太自卑。这通电话我们讲了一个小时左右，我们不单只聊各自的境况，也分享了内心的无奈和挣扎；毕竟我们都过得不太顺利。。不只如此，我们还聊了个人观点和未来方向，但由于现实的无奈，纯粹只是纸上谈兵。当我们盖了电话，我的内心感到踏实很多，舒坦很多。也许在现阶段，跟我面对同样问题的朋友才能够排除我内心的苦闷，让我觉得我并不孤单。
一月二十七日：
昨天，我的一位中学朋友从新加坡来到新山，我们很久没见面了，结果一聊开话夹子，就用上两，三个小时。我们在中学时很要好的朋友，他一向来给我的影像是很优秀，品学兼优的家伙；毕业后拿到奖学金到新加坡深造，又进入了一间不错的公司，工资和待遇都不错。但他最近做了一个让人惊讶的决定。。。他辞去现在的工作，转向保险业。他也跟我分析了他的决定，他觉得每天工作让他都没有时间陪家人，而且每个月只拿固定薪水，不管这个月努不努力，都是这笔钱。。。工作付出的努力不会和薪水成正比。我虽然了解他的想法，但还是替他觉得可惜；毕竟要从零开始。而他也劝我，我现在还在选择的阶段；我要认清楚方向，以免到时后后悔回头，已经浪费了青春。。。我已经没有多少年可以浪费了。。。懊恼！！！
今天我不想用英文写文章，但我知道我用中文写的话， 会很慢。可是内心忧郁和便扭；用英文是没办法表现的。再加上现在我有的是时间。即使花上两，三天的时间，我也无所谓。我今天呆在家里一整天了，竟然找不到事情来做。好无聊，好空虚，好寂寞。。。我知道朋友们都忙着工作，我没有办法联络他们，即使联络上了也没办法侃侃而谈。突然觉得自己很没有用，一个大男人竟然窝在家里什么事都不干，在怎么说我也是从国外留学会来的，家人对我的期望很大，其实应该说身边的人都希望我有所成就，因此我承受的压力很大。当然，我也希望能有出人头地的一天，但现实社会总是和幻想世界差了一大截，我只能束手无撤；即使我拼命地想往上爬。。。但恐怕只是无谓的挣扎。
一月二十五日：
今天，我接到一位朋友的电话。他也是从美国会来的，他回来至今已经快半年了；但现阶段还是一事无成，也在找工作。。和我的情况一样。他让我有种同病相怜的感觉，并且让我感觉不太自卑。这通电话我们讲了一个小时左右，我们不单只聊各自的境况，也分享了内心的无奈和挣扎；毕竟我们都过得不太顺利。。不只如此，我们还聊了个人观点和未来方向，但由于现实的无奈，纯粹只是纸上谈兵。当我们盖了电话，我的内心感到踏实很多，舒坦很多。也许在现阶段，跟我面对同样问题的朋友才能够排除我内心的苦闷，让我觉得我并不孤单。
一月二十七日：
昨天，我的一位中学朋友从新加坡来到新山，我们很久没见面了，结果一聊开话夹子，就用上两，三个小时。我们在中学时很要好的朋友，他一向来给我的影像是很优秀，品学兼优的家伙；毕业后拿到奖学金到新加坡深造，又进入了一间不错的公司，工资和待遇都不错。但他最近做了一个让人惊讶的决定。。。他辞去现在的工作，转向保险业。他也跟我分析了他的决定，他觉得每天工作让他都没有时间陪家人，而且每个月只拿固定薪水，不管这个月努不努力，都是这笔钱。。。工作付出的努力不会和薪水成正比。我虽然了解他的想法，但还是替他觉得可惜；毕竟要从零开始。而他也劝我，我现在还在选择的阶段；我要认清楚方向，以免到时后后悔回头，已经浪费了青春。。。我已经没有多少年可以浪费了。。。懊恼！！！
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Listen
Wake up in the morning, but my eye still cannot open properly, searching my cellphone underneath my pillow and checking what is the time. it's 9:10am. Although I'm unemployed right now, but I still insist to wake up in the morning time, because I really enjoy morning hours, it makes me feel enerygized and refreshing.
Then, calling my friend for a breakfast, getting everything all set and meet him at the kopitiam where we should meet 3 to 4 time each week. For me, I was considered lucky that I still have a close friend in my hometown, because a small town like this, most of the people like my age all moved to big city like Singapore or JB for working. Thus, I really appreciate him that spending his free time with me, as I have so much free time to kill... But he is busy, he is running his own business of managing and transporting vegetable from Johor to Singapore, in this town, a lot of people are doing this kind of business as there are a lot of farmers here and most of their goods are selling out to Singapore, that makes them earn the big bucks. There are a quite a few number of people who become wealthy because of this business. However, this business is considered old blue collar business, most of the young generation refuse to take care of it or inherit the business from their parent, thus, most of them who handling this business are older generation. But my friend who is willing to manage this business and to be honest, he is doing quite ok.
Anyway, as he is doing his business, he is very busy, sometimes I will go to help him for 'buddy' sake. Even he is having breakfast or dinner with me, his topic cannot leave without vegetable. Honestly, I'm sick of it. My Godness!!
After having breakfast, I came back home, my parent are sitting at the living room watching TV and reading newspaper, I sat on the sofa, picked up a newspaper and begin to read...here they go.... ask me about my job hunt... and keep nagging to me, I should do this should that...it's not easy to staying in Singapore, you cannot spend too much money...blah blah blah...
perhaps you guys forget, I stayed in US for 4 years, and nobody took care of me by that time but myself. I know how to take care of me!! stay out of my business! my heart is struggling for it, but I won't say it out loud....because I still respect them as my parent...
I'm in pain....and I'm under a lot of pressure, which even makes me couldn't breath at all sometimes...but the worst thing is no one is there for me to listen what I want to say... i need a listener to share the significate pain and stress which hided underneath of my heart... everyday i have been eaten up by those pain and stress little by little...and I think I'm losing the feeling and sensation gradually become numb...
I'm pathetic loser...
Then, calling my friend for a breakfast, getting everything all set and meet him at the kopitiam where we should meet 3 to 4 time each week. For me, I was considered lucky that I still have a close friend in my hometown, because a small town like this, most of the people like my age all moved to big city like Singapore or JB for working. Thus, I really appreciate him that spending his free time with me, as I have so much free time to kill... But he is busy, he is running his own business of managing and transporting vegetable from Johor to Singapore, in this town, a lot of people are doing this kind of business as there are a lot of farmers here and most of their goods are selling out to Singapore, that makes them earn the big bucks. There are a quite a few number of people who become wealthy because of this business. However, this business is considered old blue collar business, most of the young generation refuse to take care of it or inherit the business from their parent, thus, most of them who handling this business are older generation. But my friend who is willing to manage this business and to be honest, he is doing quite ok.
Anyway, as he is doing his business, he is very busy, sometimes I will go to help him for 'buddy' sake. Even he is having breakfast or dinner with me, his topic cannot leave without vegetable. Honestly, I'm sick of it. My Godness!!
After having breakfast, I came back home, my parent are sitting at the living room watching TV and reading newspaper, I sat on the sofa, picked up a newspaper and begin to read...here they go.... ask me about my job hunt... and keep nagging to me, I should do this should that...it's not easy to staying in Singapore, you cannot spend too much money...blah blah blah...
perhaps you guys forget, I stayed in US for 4 years, and nobody took care of me by that time but myself. I know how to take care of me!! stay out of my business! my heart is struggling for it, but I won't say it out loud....because I still respect them as my parent...
I'm in pain....and I'm under a lot of pressure, which even makes me couldn't breath at all sometimes...but the worst thing is no one is there for me to listen what I want to say... i need a listener to share the significate pain and stress which hided underneath of my heart... everyday i have been eaten up by those pain and stress little by little...and I think I'm losing the feeling and sensation gradually become numb...
I'm pathetic loser...
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Superstition
Today, as usual...log in to certain website to check my horoscope... Yes, I know... come on... sound like only chick will do it... how come a guy like me will do the same thing. Well, I don't know... perhaps I had a pretty rough year and I'm attempting to find some solution or seeking some advises to improve my luck somehow....hopefully.
Sometimes, I even surfing some website which relevant to Fengshui and match decoration and setting in my house...maybe there are some taboos that we are breaking.
I have never been so superstition and sentitive as this time, I was seldom going to church or temple for praying since I was young.... and I don't really believe those kind of "force" really exist. But now, whenever I pass by a temple or a church, I will cover my palm each other and pretend to pray...although I don't really go inside to pray sincerely, but at least this action to show my respect. and hopefully God can really protect my family...
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